Either that or their fingerprints, eh? Hit your targets or you'll be fired. And now I did trump. She's a drunk racist. Bang! Very reliable but shes got a moustache., A cool head is required by all in 'Alpha Papa', Alan on the 4:30am radio slot: Some people call it the graveyard slot and theyre people who are bitter. Imagine two things that you like. Alan Partridge: I think he'll be a bit tougher than that, Lynn. I love this house. How are you? Morning! 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. You know, go for a field. All do that with your fingers round your eye. On reciprocal tender messages of affection: Sonja: "Alan, I love you." 1 Mar. Alan Partridge: You are a big posh sod with plums in your mouth, and the plums have mutated and they have got beaks. Knowing me, Alan Partridge, sacking you, Glenn Ponder. 2021 Associated Newspapers Limited. And then I just tilt the helicopter over to one side and the machine-gun bullets is chewing up the drive, right? Alan Partridge: Yes, you did. Idea for film extravaganza. Welcome March with discounts on gadgets for your home. Michael: [Tries to speak more clearly but still uses too much Geordie dialect] What I'm saying is, they'll, like, if they had themselves proper jobs, ye knaw, for teh gan to, then they wouldn't dee it. Then the cups start wobbling and then a man who used to be in "The Onedin Line" comes in and goes, "Why are the cups wobbling? - It's Alan Partridge's Best Quotes - and how you can revisit the classics for free. I cut it right in half, right? Uphill races become commonplace, while overtaking National Express coaches becomes a long-term affair. It must not, I will not repeat it, turn into a nocturnal rave. I, I, myself, would never shoot big game (and would hesitate to even lay traps for them). I realised I had nothing to worry about. Alan Partridge: Oh, I know, I am a bit mad. https://www.quotes.net/movies/i%27m_alan_partridge_103175, https://www.quotes.net/movies/i'm_alan_partridge_quotes_103175. Train for Lowestoft is on platform four, er, it leaves in five minutes, so, er, better learn to jog again quickly. [He laughs and leaves the room] Alan Partridge: Most times. Lynn Benfield: Now, Alan, you're going to have to trade down your Rover 800 for a smaller car. Did you see that!? Yeah, you're definitely sacked. Oh, God no! Alan Partridge: Um Oh, very busy. I don't agree with that, but I don't like hairy women." Alan Partridge 1 likes Like "Like a good-looking John Merrick, mine was a face that looked really shit." I said. The temperature inside that apple turnover is over 1,000 degrees. You're listening to Up with the Partridge, A-ha. Do you deny that? Goodreads helps you follow your favorite authors. Alan answers it, it's Michael]. My father died on 15 February, and has now been buried. I mean, people forget that traders need access to *DIXONS*! Alan Partridge: Oh God, no, no, I'm old enough to be her father! Alan Partridge: Hm. Cut to the lounge downstairs, where Lynn and the Estate Agent are waiting in silence for Alan. Lynn Benfield: With a skeleton staff of two Alan Partridge: I'm not driving a Mini-Metro, I'm not driving a Mini-Metro, I'm not driving a Mini-Metro. I don't agree with that, but I don't like hairy women., Like a good-looking John Merrick, mine was a face that looked really shit., Now, this is an uncomfortable thing to discuss, but I run towards discomfort like a man who has strapped truth explosives to his body and made his peace with God., As I write these words Im noisily chomping away on not one, but two Murray Mints. [Alan makes a long, drawn-out leering noise and giggles. Madeline Mussen. Alan Partridge: Keep the penny, you've got a gun. On cautiously expressing affection: "I love you in a way. Could go your way; could go mine. You've been sacked. She's my PA. Hard-worker, but there's no affection. When I finally got there, all they had done was dig a big hole. You know, we intersperse it with their favourite pop songs, make it light-hearted, you know, give them a platform, you've got to keep the energy up, because [Tony shakes his head, horrified] You don't like it? Partridge literally puts a whole hunk of cheese in the face of fictional BBC editor Tony Hayers after rejecting his ideas for a new TV show. Each Alan Partridge quote is unlike anything you have ever read before. "[My assistant]" I am invited to be the first to throw earth into the grave. ", 4. Alan Partridge: 'Sunday Bloody Sunday'. 15. Have your say on the latest TV with Screen Babble, the television discussion group on Facebook. Sure enough, I got into the spirit and played a practical joke on Gibson by getting my assistant to phone him during one of his shows to tell him his elderly mother had had a fall. Alan Partridge: I'm getting the hang of this! Rate this quote: (0.00 / 0 votes) 1,977 Views Share your thoughts on this Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa's quote with the community: 0 Comments Notify me of new comments via email. 22. It was Joni Mitchells Big Yellow Taxi, a song in which Joni complains about paving heaven to set up a parking lot, a measure that would have actually reduced traffic jams on the outskirts of the city. Bits come out my shoe. Dont. She's living with a fitness instructor. As I'm sure, er, as I'm sure you are, sir. The SAG Awards are this weekend, but where can you stream the show? 12 episodes were produced. I'll just speak over you. [Alan is driving his Rover 800, using a hands-free phone headset]. Alan: "Oh come on." Jill: "Yeah, alright then." 7. I looked up and saw it was none other than Peter Purves, it was the height of his Blue Peter career. The worst thing I'd ever done was kick a pig - School trip to Heston Farm, 1964, I maintain it was self-defence., Sadly, I can't say the same for my Father, who is probably in a different place - Hell., Sport, on the other hand, is straightforward. Would you like a Cuban cigar, Tony? It's all right. [they lean in close to each other, face to face]. Marvel Studios producer wants the franchise to last forever? Alan on Sundays: Sunday Bloody Sunday. I would wake up in the middle of the night and eat a whole Toblerone. I love this house. Alan Partridge: Whoa! Er, er, booger off! I want a second series. Lynn.Lynn: No, I didn't.Alan Partridge: Yes, you did. At first this was 7,000 a year, later 8,000, and was eventually raised to 9,500 after her boyfriend Gordon threatened him. Go to London! No, I think his silence speaks volumes. Alan Partridge: It flushed on the first yank! Lynn Benfield : No, no, no, it's different. Alan Partridge: If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and there's a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete, you plough the family into the field, you blow up the tree, and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife who's also your brother. And then he peers down the periscope thing and looks through it and goes, "Oh my God. Erm, do you know you've got chocolate on your face? Alan Partridge: Rolled on the thighs of a virgin. Catch the train to London, stopping at Rejection, Disappointment, Backstabbing Central and Shattered Dreams Parkway. Im 47, my girlfriend's 33; she's 14 years younger than me: Back of the net! This is for you, Tom.' He said, "You jammy bastard" and quick as a flash, I replied, "Don't be blue, Peter!" Alan Partridge: Get rid of her, Lynn, she's a drunk and a racist! Y'know, vandals, y'know? She makes subtle jokes at his expense, and rolls her eyes behind his back, a sounding board for his idiocy. It begin in forest in Germany John: What's the one where the laser beam goes up his jack Michael: What's the one with the, with the volcano, and it splits up and a big rocket comes out with all Chinkies jumping up and down? The biggest stories of the day delivered to your inbox. I was supposed to hit that later. Jesus. Putting a damp spoon back in the bowl is the tea-drinking equivalent of sharing a needle. Here are some tips and tricks to help you find the answer to 'Wordle' #620. In fact, were in not for Lynn keeping Alan in check, most of the events of Im Alan Partridge would never have happened. That's all I wanted to know. Now, first award tonight is for best Christ. In 1974 I was catching the London train from Crewe station. You wake up in the morning, you've got to read all the Sunday papers, the kids are running round, you've got to mow the lawn, wash the car, and you think "Sunday, bloody Sunday!". Lynn cared for her critically ill mother, having to change her sheets every day, until she died in 1997. It features Alan Partridge, a tactless and inept radio DJ, after he has been left by his wife and dropped from the BBC. It should contain a torch, a CurlyWurly, a book of stamps, a free digital watch with denim strap, a vodka miniature, a Bic-style razor and a copy of the Daily Express. On age difference being nothing but a number: "Im 47. Youll need warm clothes, a camera with telephoto lens, two Thermos flasks (one for tea, tother for wee) and for Gods sake remember your sandwiches., I quickly realised Gibson had been joking and that Anthrax was the name of a heavy metal band or singer whose CD might have been in the box. Susan: [With a sunny smile] Good morning, Alan, how are you today? Oh, I sound like the devil. And if you do Alan Partridge: [Interrupting] Lynn, I'm not driving a Mini-Metro. This is der Autobahn! "Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa Quotes." Bad Credit Loans: How To Avoid Scams Online? It's like being inside an enormous Fox's Glacier Mint, which again, to me, is a bonus. Then one day, two big guys are driving. And he said, this is saaad, you want to upgrade. Fantastic. And I've listened to your ideas, I've listened to them all, and I haven't liked a single one. She's a drunk racist. Alan Partridge: Smell my cheese, you mother! Alan Partridge: Stand down, at ease you're not in the army anymore. Jill: "I don't recall saying that." john lennon It's embarrassing. The end of the beginning goes like this: glang! ago. OK, uh. He doesn't like that. LONDON -- Whether you've been married for years or are eternally single, you can rely on Alan Partridge to dish out some sage advice on the subjects of love, sex and relationships. Alan Partridge: That's about right. In fact, it's happened, it's over, it's already happened, you are a sacked man. she is 14 years younger than me. I mean medium height. 1 mo. I'll tolerate one, but not both. "I'm Alan Partridge" quotes from the BBC television series "I'm Alan Partridge", "On The Hour" quotes from the BBC Radio 4 program "On The Hour". Bounce Back: A Book That Has Been Described As Lovely Things. Michael: [Very thick Geordie accent] Vandals, eh, Mr Partridge? He's not a criminal, you know, but he will, perhaps, travel 80mph on the motorway if, for example, he wants to get somewhere quickly [Tony shakes his head] Think about it. Something to pitch to Tony Hayers at BBC lunch, Friday. Alan Partridge: Would you like me to lap dance for you? Michael: Er, well, no, I won't out in the morning cos I'm dee'in lates now, right, so I don't come out 'til about two o'clock. And there's a man there and he's Russian - he's got eyebrows, you know - and he's on the phone going, "What, a whole submarine? 11th August 2017. They say it will help people in * wheelchairs *. Like the Cook Report, but with a more slapstick approach. In a list drawn up by the British Film Institute in 2000, voted by industry professionals, I'm Alan Partridge was named the 38th best British television series of all time. On keeping. Would you say, bearing in mind he's depressed and has respiratory problems, would you say 'Go and take that blusher off you mis-shapened elephant tranny'? But as I listened through the darkness I realized that something far worse was going on. Partridge has a unique way of testing toilet durability while advertising a boating business. She can often be a bit of a life-saver for Alan too, always around to step in should the need arise. I'll be honest, I'm dead against it. Fairly detailed. and has combined these two passions at festivals from Iceland to Malawi and beyond. Jill, what do you think of the pedestrianization of Norwich city centre? Alan Partridge: No, that's a bit too far-fetched. Er, not like those massive Stephen King books, which should be on wheels, shouldn't they? Er, sorry. Kids like to go to the zoo but the beasts I like to look at are made of zinc galvanised steel - they're cars. Alan Partridge: Lynn, I am not driving a Mini Metro. Although tricky at first, by the time I checked out I could find the bath's biting point within three minutes. 2023. So, you know Alan Partridge: When the boat comes in. Do I look like I suffer from panic attacks? You have big sheds, but nobody's allowed in. Mind you, I have been here ten weeks. He goes, 'No, no!' And in these sheds you have 20ft high chickens, and these chickens are scared because the don't know why they're so big, and they're going, "Oh why am I so massive?" On the best thing to say after sex: "Well Sonja that was classic intercourse. 4. Go to London, and I guarantee you will be either assaulted or unappreciated. Take the train to London, stopping at Rejection, Disappointment, Backstabbing Central and Shattered Dreams Parkway. Which actually improves . Alan Partridge: Ah-haaaaa! 13. Art criticism was clearly not Partridges calling. Aqua. This comment was his answer to the question of what is his favorite Beatles album. Michael: OK. August knocked the trend for downturn in fireplace sales. Great joke between Partridge and his friend Dan. Alan Partridge: [talking to them over a speakerphone] Hello, it's Alan again. The fiddling merely tantalises the itch, and it becomes more aggressive. Its one of British comedys most unlikely will-they-wont-they scenarios. I looked up and saw it was none other than Peter Purves, it was the pinnacle of his Blue Peter career. I looked up at the window and waved and laughed and dressed and mused on how fantastic it was to have colleagues who could share practical jokes like this. Cook a cat! I'd be hovering just down the road from his house, there. Alan Partridge: Yep, fair point. Lynn isprobably the only person that Alan has been close to in his life for longer than a few months, and while that might sound like a good thing, it also means shes also the only person hes comfortable in controlling and manipulating. No, if it was you could add a zero to that. Throughout the questions I will be remaining impartial at all times. Alan Partridge: You farmers, you don't like outsiders, do you? A buffer between Partridge and the people he comes in to contact with. sufferers about the condition. Partridge gives an optimistic assumption of life on the Titanic before the disaster. He drinks that yellow stuff in tins. Alan Partridge: Well, I'll live with that. I'll just wait for it to finish. Da, da, da, da, da, der. Alan during various sporting events: "Eat my goal!" / "That was liquid football.". Today in Entertainment History: Release of Chinese Democracy, Why People Line Up for Flying Saucers Thanksgiving Pies, Atlanta Icon TI Details Trap City Cafe Restaurant Need Affordable Housing, American Music Awards 2022: here is the complete list of winners, Taylor Swifts Midnights Returns to No. You want some more glitter? Occupation Not my words Carol, the words of Top Gear magazine! Clearly likeable and easy to get along with especially with her boss absent Lynn provides a much-needed counterbalance. It was very crowded; I found myself in a last-minute rush for the one remaining seat beside a tall, good-looking man with collar-length hair, it was the seventies; buckaroo! And the bad news?Lynn Benfield: The accountants say that since you . Hey, it reminds me of this time, y'know, we'd camouflaged ourselves up cos we were doing jungle exercises, right, out in Belize, but Alan Partridge: [interrupting] Michael, can we talk about this in the morning? Alan Partridge Quotes. She was one of a few people than Alan Partridge had been close to in his life for longer than a few months or years. Partridge showing his consideration for children in his 2013 film Alpha dad. Alan Partridge: Went to Silverstone. Never, never criticise Muslims. Alan Partridge: Yeah, well, that's not good enough. 17. We're on a submarine. Michael: Aye. I would've taken it off sooner but I was having a fascinating conversation with the proud father of Norfolk's most sun-tanned child. Alan Partridge : They've rebadged it, you fool! Alan Partridge: Hello, commuters with your computers. The submarine's being eaten by a a giant tanker." Enjoy it. Ugh. Alan Partridge: I suppose if I was a burglar and I wanted to avoid detection I could strap sausages to my fingers. Have been here ten weeks the bad news? Lynn Benfield: the accountants say that you. Driving his Rover 800, using a hands-free phone headset ] already happened, it 's alan.... 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